Happy Families – Part Two

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Happy Families – Part Two

Ideas for a Healthy Happy Teenager

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We tend not to want to expose ourselves to anything that might take away what we have created and we actually feel most things as a threat in the first years of our child’s adolescent.

Thinking that when our child leaves the house that something bad is going to happen, so we need to control them, that is wrong, we have to let go of that thought for a healthy happy teenager, we must trust them, they know when they are doing wrong and in most cases, it is the peer pressure that will lead then astray.

Try setting reasonable boundaries for your teenage children, if they are broken, then resist getting angry and instead explain the consequences of their actions, which is different in every home, you set the rules, explain by breaking the rules, how it is going to affects them, it is better than getting angry.

Find a way to say, “yes” most of the time instead of “no”. most out of control teens are signaling to their parents that they are desperate to be older, more responsible and independent, so saying “no” isn’t going to work.

Sort out a way to get some of the things they want – like a part time job for them, so they have their own money, can be a compromise while allowing them to experience some independence.

Other things that cause many problems in a family home

Drugs and drinking are some of the hardest things for parents to cope with, also the gay teenagers.

Just stop and think, what were you doing at 17 or 18 years of age?

You will note then that your child is not such a rebel as you think.

The challenge is to find the right balance between healthy risks and harmful ones.

Give them a hug

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Some helpful tips on how to talk to your teenager

Remember to show them that you are always there for them, and yes teenagers love hugs from their parents, even though you may think they are too old for that, no one is never too old for a hug.

The first rule is to listen and not interrupt – no matter how horrified you may be, at the things you are hearing.

Let your teenager know they can trust you.Anything that is said between the two of you, will not be repeated unless you have their permission.

As they gain confidence with you, they will be more likely to come to you when things are troubling them and you will be in a position to help them.

Do not judge, instead of responding to your child (that is sharing the fact that they have tried smoking marijuana), by butting in and giving them a full on the anti-drug lecture, let them finish and then talk about the subject, in general terms such as:

How did you feel when that happened?

What did you think about what you did?

Let them explore the right and wrong of the situation.

Leave the anti-drug message for some other time, they know that message already.

Just be there to support them and guide them gently the right way, a hug would not go astray in this situation.

Try not criticize, teens are very sensitive to perceived insults, especially about their friends or lifestyle.

Don’t get at them about wasting time playing internet games, allow them to have their own opinions.

This is what growing up is all about, experimenting with ideas and working out what works best for them.

Their opinions might not always be in sync with yours but if you, encourage them to be who they want to be, they will grow into balanced adults.

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Raising rude teenagers.

The first step is simple: realizing that inside every teen resides two very different people the regressed child and the emergent adult.

One of the main things, that I don’t understand is the rude attitude.

I find very hard to cope with, (in my day’s) if we answered our parents back or yelled at them, we all knew what would happen, so we never ventured there, I don’t think it did me any harm.

The sex issue, we can usually cope with that one, most schools are teaching that subject these days

Substance use, I am lost, I feel it is destroying young bodies and the family.

Happy days!

What are your thought’s about this post, I love comments?

18 thoughts on “Happy Families – Part Two

  1. Well, I do agree with the premise and it is best where possible, but in the U.S.A. a lot of bad things do happen – alot. When we raised our two girls we always let them know that it wasn’t that we didn’t trust them, because we did, it was just the crazy people out there. I guess being a News Junkie and seeing all the bad things that happened caused us to be more protective. We always had our girls host parties etc. This helped solve alot of problems. Research shows that the most influential people in your kids lives are their friends, NOT YOU. That’s why we watched that peer pressure thing.
    Great Post.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Appreciate your reply, you are right, most families do trust their children, but a few have lost control of their teenage children, sad but true, as we all agree it is a lot to do with peer pressure, I have had that experience with one of my daughters, sad to say I have very little to do with her, (she is now in her fifties) she has never really forgiven me for those years, even though I thought I was doing the right thing.
      So much for my ramp.
      Wishing you all the best, Thanks.

      Liked by 3 people

      • Oh, Thank you so much for your response to my comment!! I really appreciate you sharing that with me. Sorry to hear about your daughter STILL being angry with you!! Sadly, that does happen! When all that you or any parent does is try and protect their children and do the best they can. You would think that after she had grown up and had children of her own or broadened her knowledge and point of view she would have been able to see your true motives – Love and Concern. Too bad she can’t see that and re-examine her memories!

        It is hard for kids to realize that as parents it is not our job to be friends! That is so hard for kids and parents to realize-especially these days. I made it a point to always tell my girls that it wasn’t my job to be their friend but that if after doing the right thing as a parent if we can be friends I would love it. That paid off for me, thankfully.

        I do so, hope that there might be a way that perhaps you might be able to reconnect with your daughter!! Maybe you might try writing a letter to “My Teenage Daughter” and explain (as you do write so well) the feelings you had and what you were trying to do and just say, “Please forgive me, if I wasn’t able to raise you in the way You thought was a Loving and Concerned way? I honestly tried the very best I could and I Love You so much and would Love it if we can repair our relationship – I Love You So Much!!” Then close with my new favorite quote, “LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE ANYTHING BUT HAPPY!” I will be praying for a healing for you and your daughter!!!
        Blessings to You

        Liked by 2 people

    • Yes we do make mistakes, but it would be nice to spend our last years on earth with peace of mind, I never understand why my son waited until about a year ago to bring out all his hatred for me, he is now in his fifties.
      Have a peaceful day.

      Liked by 2 people

      • People who care for me have said, “You did the best you could with what you had at the time.” It’s always been food for thought. Also, people have said, “It takes two to have troubles.” Yes, it does. Our kids are not immune to being held culpable for their part in things that we’d certainly not have chosen for them! I think somehow, and maybe I’m wrong, that your son is scared by his own mortality, since yours is getting closer, and he can only stop the fear of that and the pain of someday loss by pushing you away.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You could be right, I haven’t thought of it that way. I will think about it a little more when I lay awake half the night.
        Thanks for all your kind comments, it does help to make me feel a little better.
        Enjoy your day.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you — and you enjoy your day, too. Get some rest. As you lay there, imagine you have to build yourself as a flower for the world. What colors do you choose you to be? What sort of petals for you? Will there be layers, or single petals? How will your leaves be shaped, how many, and where would you most like to grow?

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry about your daughter, Elsie, but thanks for discussing these issues. Teenage years can be challenging for both generations. Children should be taught to show proper respect to their parents from early years. Parents should hold their tongues when anger flares and discuss things when both sides are cool…easy to say, tough to do!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great advice Elsie. As a parent of a teen who is heavily involved with sports and church I’ve been fortunate, but by no means in the clear. She’s set some goals for herself and some times I think take a break you’re a kid. But then my friends tell me sounds like someone we know. Anyways she loves photography and last year wanted to take photos by a railroad track with a friend she met at school. Um…no. Tracks are dangerous and sadly a teen was recently killed playing chicken by the tracks. Very sad. I’m glad my daughter tends to tell me stuff. I cannot say if it’s everything, but open communication is important, and knowing their friends. I enjoy the friends who I can treat like my own kids–pick up your mess! 😉 I know having teen get togethers helps as well, meeting their friends and so on. But they are their own person. Always let them be just that, unique in their own right.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I liked how you included mutual respect by listening to your teens. I feel using reason helps to show not to yell. By not yelling or swearing, you are being rational. I liked this post so much! I now have grandkids who will be teens soon. . . Great lessons and reminders. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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