Elderly Emotional Abuse

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Abuse of elders can take many forms. There are a number of different types of abuse that happen to older people.

But the one that has brought me the most stress, as an older person, is family abuse, to us as an aging couple in our seventies.

Why is it that your family feel, that it’s time to be put into a rest home even if your are still managing your own beef farm, cooking all meals and running a home, plus looking after a big Park Like Garden.  

I can understand family advising us, if the situation calls for it, but not this, (do this do that), and when they don’t get their own way, they throw back at you, all the things that we did wrong in bringing them up, words coming out of their mouth that you never thought you would ever hear from them, this is the shocking bit, you never knew they felt this way, but now I know, it brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it.

Having not spent Christmas with them, the greatest time in any child’s life (my grandchildren), memories for them to remember in years to come.

Yes, my husband and I have a broken heart, elderly emotional abuse from a family member can be very hurtful, we are of sound mind and health so there was no need to cause us such discomfort, this person broke up the whole family, and I thought we had a loving family that cared about each other, it rips your heart apart.

Is that what happens to elderly parents?

May God bless their soul, as it’s a very hard thing to live with.

The best advice I can give anyone receiving elderly emotional abuse is don’t bother arguing back about it all, just walk away and try to continue on as if nothing happened.

This last time I didn’t, I did argue back, memories of this last disagreement is eating me away, I cannot sleep, I’m not at peace with myself.

We are semi-retiring slowly, as we have brought a house in town, will be living in it before winter 2016, still have the farm, will return and feed animals etc.

Thanks for reading, if you the reader are experiencing problems of elderly abuse please comment, I will reply, I think it helps everyone in these situations to talk about it.

14 thoughts on “Elderly Emotional Abuse

  1. Sorry to hear about this, as it must be difficult to deal with. If parents are doing well on their own, there is no need to ‘advise’ them on anything. Clearly, you and your husband can handle things just fine; plus, 70s are not old yet! Best wishes!

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  2. I am so very sorry that you had to experience this. Please know that it says much more about the abuser than about you and your husband. Unfortunately it is a sad truth that the younger folk do not appreciate what seniors have done and are still capable of doing. They are too caught up in the stuff that makes up their world and cannot see beyond their own noses. Some of them lack the ability to step into another’s shoes and see the world from that perspective. One can only hope that they will eventually “get” it. One day they may also have to weather similar storms. At that point they may recall and understand.

    You are correct in that there is likely little to nothing that you can say to such people – even if they are family. A closed mind is just that. There is usually little you can do to reopen it – like a window that is nailed tightly shut. Look around. Others in you family may not agree with this person. Stay positive. Continue to plant the seeds of kindness. May they spread to the fallow land.

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  3. My heart goes out to you and your husband. As you say, you are still of sound mind and body so there is no need for any kind of intervention. I wish you both the best of luck. I am rooting for you to continue to enjoy your health/life on your terms.

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  4. Sometimes hurtful words are spoken without thought. My father spoke some very unkind words to me when I was trying to help him when he was in his 70’s. I think that finding out what is behind the anger may help you. I’m not saying it’s OK, I’m just saying that anger can be a release of other feelings such as maybe your child is afraid of loosing you. I wish that I had the wisdom then that I do now. Hugs! ❤️

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  5. This made me feel so sad and also made me realise I need to respect my own parents’ wishes as they get older. I hope you can resolve things with your family. It sounds like you and your husband are a strong and active couple – good luck to you both.

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  6. I am so sorry to hear of your distress. I do hope that you and your loved ones will find a way to heal the hurt and forgive before it’s too late. I know that’s not always possible, but for your sake, I surely hope this time it is.

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  7. I am sorry to read this. It happens everywhere I guess.

    My grandmother had lost most of her sight, but still managed most of her household alone. My mother and I were afraid that it will bee too much for there soon or that she could fall (for example of the ladder) and hurt herself, that she could lie there for hours, the whole night and nobody knowing… We wanted her to have a nice place to stay at a place where she would be save and to choose an elderly home for herself. So we spoke to her about it – and my grandmother felt upset and offended.

    But we worked it out and with the help of a brilliant neighbour of my Grandmothers and warm delivered food and me reducing my work time to 32 hours and being at her place two to three times a week and my mum the rest of the time, my Grandmother could stay at home, till…
    Until one of the worst days of our lives. That day she had a breakdown and had to go to hospital and from there directly to a elderly home without seeing her flat again. Because it had been so quick she had to stay in a double room for about half an year as this elderly home had a waiting lists for single rooms. My Grandmother hated it and we didn’t like it as well, but we had no choice as we had to take the next place available.

    I am sure that I will have the same discussion with my mum in some years because I will be afraid of her staying alone in her home that she might fall and hurt herself and… And I know that my Mum will be offended and hurt because I’d mentioned an elderly home. Nevertheless I am sure that we will work things out in the end.

    And that’s what I wish for you and your family. I wish that you are able to clear things out and to understand each others opinion and accept it without bad feelings – and that your children can accept your decision. I wish that you will celebrate easter, birthdays and christmas together again!
    My best wishes to you!

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  8. Thank you for all the kind words, at this stage, I feel so deeply about what has happened that I cannot reply to you.
    I’m moving on and writing another post, even though my heart is fill of sadness.
    Blessings to you all.

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  9. Sometimes when the sadness is so strong, writing may be a way of letting it out. I know you did some of that in your blog post, and hopefully it eased your pain. But, whether it did or did not, it is still there. I was taught to write letters. You write a letter to the person that hurt you, telling them exactly how, and why you were hurt. You say all of it, and try to put all that pain there, in the letter. Then, you write another letter, from the perspective of that person – you imagine that it is an apology. What is it you would like them to say, how would that make you feel, what could they do or say to help heal the hurt.

    Afterward, read both letters. Sometimes the reading can be very enlightening. If anything, it may take that felt pain and put it out onto a space where you may be able to look at it, to think on it, and to understand it. No one has to read it but you, but sometimes it can help.

    Sending you positive thoughts, and well wishes to you. I hope that in time, you will be able to heal.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. May the new day be full of blessings and healing. Emotional abuse is tricky. Bottom line is that we can only control our own behaviour and emotions. No. matter the age, family members can be hurtful or we can interpret what they do and say as hurtful without verifying the intent. Change is never easy. As we age it is more difficult to harness our energies to protect ourselves., but that is what we need to do. I am always surprised that after all I did for my children,that I can’t count on them to reciprocate. Good luck. This too shall pass.

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  11. That sucks. Big reminder to me to watch what I say and do to my parents and in laws so that they don’t miscontrue my intentions to just relax n and take it easy. However, I live with my in laws and culturally more often then not we prefer the elders to stay with us then move to a retirement home (unless they want to since it’s so flashy now)

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  12. I am sorry that you feel your family is trying to take away your choices. No one should do that to you. Elderly abuse is something that happens every day to someone. My family is currently dealing with a situation where after being on anti-depressants since losing my mom, my dad got messed up by his own brother. The webpages for stopthepain4all is detailing his situation. It is telling my parents story in the hopes that no one else will do what my dad’s brother has done. They convinced him I was a horrible daughter, even though I was the one living there and taking care of my father. They told him they would lend him money if he signed the quickdeed on his property and when he paid it back, he could have his land back. My dad wasn’t of sound mind after taking himself off welbuterin rapidly so he didn’t insist on a contract. His brother “changed his mind” and sold the property out from under my dad. They removed me from the property stating they would care for him and they have not. All they did was call the law on him and try to claim that the quickdeed entitled them to everything my dad owns. The issue is, there is no proof that dad was off medication. Its not documented on that day, so my dad’s word hold very little value. The fact that I told his brother my dad was off medication 4 days before signing and the doctor said it 3 days after my dad signed, isn’t proof. Elderly people are not protected by any laws when it comes to elderly abuse unless it is written in stone. I HOPE that I can somehow change that. I’m writing to senators, the NCPEA, and governors. I HOPE to gain enough support to ensure it does not happen to others.

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